That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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