Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
There's always time for handjobs
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
