hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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