I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
