What a fucking waste of an outfit
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
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