He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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