I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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