Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
