I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
