This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
