Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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