got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
