all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
