I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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