sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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