I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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