dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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