i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
