Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
