Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
