# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
