When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
