Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ttyl tear gas
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
