Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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