He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
