Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
