Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
