The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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