he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
This house was built for laser tag.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
