At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
