Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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