I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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