What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
