I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
