just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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