the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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