This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
