i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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