I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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