I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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