I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
