can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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