What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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