Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
