I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
