I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
