Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
