Dual....:-)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
i believe in u and ur pee
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
