There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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