dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
