oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
