I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
