I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
